In the field of bereavement counseling, one of the most common questions we receive is: “Am I normal? Do others feel this way? Is this normal?” The truth is, grief is deeply personal, and there is no single “normal.” Society often tells us that certain grief reactions are unusual, leading many people to grieve quietly, afraid of judgment. But grief is not a disease or a flaw—it is a reflection of the love that connects us to someone we’ve lost.
Grief Can Last a Lifetime
Grief can last a lifetime. Over time, we learn how to carry it in ways that allow us to continue living, even as we remain connected to our loved one. Early on, grief can feel like a massive, unmovable weight pressing on your chest.
Imagine a heavy rock sitting there all day and night—immovable, exhausting, and impossible to ignore. It makes even simple tasks feel overwhelming, and it can feel as if no one sees the burden you carry. You might want to scream, “Can’t you see this rock sitting here, stopping me from breathing?”
Learning to Carry the Weight
As time passes, we often find new ways to carry the weight. You might imagine placing the rock in a bag, rather than keeping it pressed against your chest. You may find someone special who helps share the load, allowing you to set it down for a while and catch your breath.
This is part of the process—figuring out how to live with grief rather than be crushed by it. Support from others can make a significant difference. Friends, family, or grief support groups can help you feel less alone, provide validation, and offer practical ways to cope. Even small gestures, like a phone call or a shared memory, can help lighten the load.
What Is “Normal” Grief?
Along the way, you may still wonder what is “normal.” The answer is simple: normal is whatever brings you comfort. Grief can manifest in countless ways, and all of them are valid. You might:
- Talk to pictures of your loved one
- Speak aloud to them when you’re alone
- Kiss their photographs or personal items
- Feel anger or frustration that they left
- Daydream about seeing them again
- Find comfort in smells, music, or objects associated with them
- Avoid photos or certain memories
- Withdraw from people for a while
All of these reactions are normal. Grief is not about following a timeline or meeting someone else’s expectations. It is about finding ways to honor your love and care for yourself while navigating a loss that has changed your life.
Finding Comfort in Your Own Way
It is also normal for grief to evolve. Over time, you may find that the intensity of the emotions lessens, but the love remains. You may discover new ways to remember your loved one—through traditions, writing letters, or creating memory boxes. These acts can provide a sense of connection and comfort as you learn to carry your grief in a manageable way.
Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to grieve in the way that feels right for you. Over time, your grief may feel lighter, or you may simply find new ways to carry your grief alongside your daily life. Whatever your path looks like, it is valid, and it is your own.
Grief Is Not Something to “Fix”
Grief is not something to “fix.” It is something to carry, understand, and honor. Be patient, be kind to yourself, and allow your grief to unfold in its own way. Healing does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean moving on. It means learning to live fully while carrying the love you have for the person you’ve lost.
Hospice at NGMC
Hospice of NGMC offers grief support for all ages, from adult counseling and support groups to child-focused programs like Camp Braveheart. Learn more at www.nghs.com/grief.